Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Boy Problems

Can't live with them, can't live without them, huh.

It always surprised me how a person can be absolutely smitten about another person at one point and wanting to dismantle their limbs from the rest of their body at another.

I've seen many people unfortunately confuse infatuation with love and then pay the price for leaping right in, in moment of naivety. For all I know, most people want to live the state of love which is mostly independent of the person rather than actually love a particular person "for better or for for worse".

Because you see, what I've been observing lately, is that whenever things approach the "for worse" zone, they (whether it's the guy or the gal) start convincing themselves with the pettiest of excuses that it's not worth it and simply give it all up. There's no drive to work on whatever it is that's troubling them since to begin with, the actual person was insignificant relative to the "high" of being in love. Or so to speak.

What happens would be something like the following. Let's assume the subject is the girl. She thinks she's crazy about this guy. She talks to her girlfriends all the time about how completely awesome in every way he is. She calls him up a zillion times a day to hear his voice - the remedy to her aching soul. Little cute hearty bubbles fill the air and her world turns pink all around.. with rainbows, flower beds as far as the eye can see, kyoot lil fuzzy bunnies hopping all around... Oh yes, the sweet sweet smell of love. *tries to desperately cough out a hairball*

Not too long after, she becomes so dependent on him that she would go ballistic-ally (yeah it's a word =p) bananas if he doesn't deliver any of the daily rituals she's gotten used to. She feels suffocated and stuck if she got to know any of his family members a little better, 'cause now it kinda hits her.. 'omg! That's it! I won't get the opportunity to meet anyone else anymore! This is the guy I'm ending up with! ... but I'm not ready!!'
She lets that fester in her mind for some time, when in the meanwhile she becomes hypersensitive to the most insignificant of his words and super irritable by the simplest of things he does, things she was originally owkay with.
Apart from that, a new friend starts to get in the picture. A friend which happens to be a guy, naturally. One that she talks to about her newfound problems with her guy, and finds his advice the most reasonable to follow. This friend now conveys a comfort zone for her.

She starts thinking how comfortable she is talking with this friend rather than her guy. She can't figure out how this friend understands her so well and is so down her lane while her guy's become so very difficult to deal with. She loses hope of fixing things and begins to convince herself that her guy's wrong for her in every possible way. That attitude is of course reciprocated to the guy, who would eventually give it up because he feels like he is "beyonfo7' fe erba ma7'rooma", that is, he can't get through to her anymore since her mind and heart aren't where they used to be. They're having a long warm comforting chat at her "friend"'s. The next in line.

Just for the record, I don't in any way support the whole dating and having relationships before settling down thing. I believe there should be only one guy eligible to these kinds of feelings and whatever else comes with them from me, and that guy would be the one I'm truly convinced is the one I'd like to settle down with. He wouldn't be one I've just met a couple of days ago and find attractive in some way, but one I've been friends with for so long and things would gradually and most naturally develop. Just a tiny note on the side.

Back to that scenario. I must also say that this doesn't just happen with girls, the subject could be a guy and it would be almost exactly the same minus the bunnies.

So why? Why do you have to build up so many feelings towards someone and see them tumbling down then complain about all the agony just because you're not ready or responsible enough to handle what you've gotten yourself into? How can you assume you can handle this kind of 'relationship' when you're not mature enough to handle your own feelings? How can you sleep at night! .. and wake up to do it all over again?

All what I'm saying is, people should be very careful with other people's feelings and especially their own. They shouldn't jump right into something because of some random passing feeling, only to find themselves trapped in a sticky situation afterwards. Think as much as you feel! and most definitely don't commit to something you're not willing to see through.

"Your reason and your passion are the rudder and the sails of your seafaring soul.

If either your sails or our rudder be broken, you can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas.

For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction.

Therefore let your soul exalt your reason to the height of passion; that it may sing;

And let it direct your passion with reason, that your passion may live through its own daily resurrection, and like the phoenix rise above its own ashes.

I would have you consider your judgment and your appetite even as you would two loved guests in your house.

Surely you would not honour one guest above the other; for he who is more mindful of one loses the love and the faith of both." - Khalil Gibran (On Reason and Passion)
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